A letter to Arsène

We score when we want

Dear Arsène,

How are you? I am not so well. A few months ago I was diagnosed with MHD (Mild Humiliation Disorder) which was triggered following shock defeats away to Norwich and at home to Schalke. The symptoms started to develop more aggressively in the coming weeks after a flattering 2-1 defeat against United and a string of draws against distinctly average teams including Fulham and Aston Villa. Whilst the condition relented following the 5-2 drubbing of Spurs, I am sad to report that in light of last night’s obscenities in Bradford my well-being has deteriorated considerably to SHD – Severe Humiliation Disorder. I am writing this letter to you, perhaps fittingly as we approach the Apocalypse, to offer some thoughts on how Arsenal might get themselves out of this shithole.

Ultimately, Arsène, you need to re-evaluate the ability of each and every player in your squad. Here are some names which…

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